The Monday Hat Trick of...Decision

Hey, it's never a bad time to start a new tradition!  So, beginning now, I'm introducing the Monday Hat Trick of... post.  Each week we'll have some sort of something written here that has to do with, um, threes. 

Yup.  That's it.  That's the concept.

Cough.

Sigh, you try coming up with new blog ideas!!! 

Anyway, today, it's the Hat Trick of...Decision.  Get your best think-face on.  Ready?

Yup, ready!

Tonight, there's a bit of a sports anomaly occurring (I say this based on no actual research).  Three of our country's major sports; baseball, football, and hockey, all have exactly one game being played.  Strange?  I think so. 

I also think that you might need a little bit of help in deciding which event you'll fall asleep in front of.  It's important to have the correct game on your television as you waste away on the couch, cheeto dust on your unwashed sweatpants, with empty cans of Old German stacked haphazardly on on the coffee table in front of you.  I know you. 

I'm not judging.

So, even though it's like comparing apples to oranges to, uh, orange apples, we'll put the three games in an octagon and see who wins.  Let's get it on!

• Which home team tonight plays in the best place?
• Baseball (Yankees) - New York, New York
• Football (Titans) - Nashville, Tennessee 
• Hockey (Red Wings) - Detroit, Michigan
• The Decision:  Well, I've heard great things about Nashville, and I've played hockey with someone who used to live there.  I've heard...things about Detroit, and I've played hockey with someone who used to live there.  New York?  They filmed Girls there.  That eliminates any good that might exist.
• The Winner- Football.  Hot chicken tops square pizza, by a nose.
• Which game has the most interesting star players?
• Baseball - Jose Altuve (Astros) and Aaron Judge (Yankees)
• Football - ? (Colts) and Marcus Mariota (Titans)
• Hockey - Steven Stamkos (Lightning) and Henrik Zetterberg (Wings)
• The Decision:  I have no idea who plays for the Colts.  I've seen Chris Pratt run some touchdown routes once or twice, but I'm pretty sure that was a television show.  That, coupled with the obsession the locals here have with the Titans QB (he played at Oregon they'll be sure to remind you), means dead last for them.  The hockey guys are pretty damn dynamic, especially Stamkos who is one of the best there is.  But, it's hard not to focus on baseball here.  Altuve may be the best hitter in the game, and he's just five-foot six.  Judge may be the biggest generator of wind energy on the planet, as he's six-foot seven (and prone to striking out constantly). 
• The Winner- Baseball.  I mean, look!

I put my money on the guy who shops in the boys dept

• Which mascots would win a three-way tag team battle?
• Baseball - Orbit (Astros) and Dandy (Yankees)
• Football - Blue (Colts) and T-Rac (Titans)
• Hockey - ThunderBug (Lightning) and Al (Red Wings)
• The Decision:  Baseball is throwing out a cuddly alien with a long dead bird.  Not optimal fighters, there.  With a horse, the NFL has a chance.  But, a raccoon?  Really Tennessee?  Despite their bandit-like appearance and ability to communicate with large tree-like creatures, I don't expect much teamwork to take place him and his many-handed partner.  And, of course, nobody fights like hockey players, or their mascots.  Sure, a bug sounds lame, but it has experience!  And, of course, an octopus.  
• The Winner- Hockey.  Silly string everywhere.

So, there you go, you should watch...all of them?  None of them?  Oof, that went poorly.  Well, just turn off the tv and talk to someone instead.  They won't mention the cheetos.  Maybe.