Taco Tuesday - Special Commentary

Here we are, another Taco Tuesday.  Today's essay is the result of a team-building exercise that took place here at TBW headquarters.  After sixteen hours and several hundred failed trust-falls, our group finally started to understand what being money-hungry corporate sharks really means.  

We all needed to pull on the same end of the rope.  Our cheese moving has to exist in synergistic perfection with every aspect of our mission statement.  There's no "I" in team.  There's no "you" in team.  There's only "us" in team.  Except, not literally.

Yes, our crew is ready to ATTACK the business world with reckless abandon, make big money at home, and live the life only true power brokers do.

His name is in ALL CAPS, so you know it's real

So, yeah, we came out chomping at the bit!  But then the new Black Panther trailer dropped, and we got a bit distracted.  So, there's that, and, well, right, um, what were we talking about?  

Chewy, is that you?

Taco 'bout Whatever staff column

It has been an exciting eight days for Star Wars nerds.  Today, in a reveal as epic as it was absurd, Ron Howard (yes, the narrator from Arrested Development) debuted to the world the name of the upcoming stand-alone Han Solo flick.  It is to be called…

Solo.

Thrilling, right?  This kind of creativity is why we go to the movies in the first place.  The announcement follows last week’s genius marketing move, which was embedding the trailer for the next installment of the Star Wars franchise during Monday Night Football.  The crossover exposure for both products was without a doubt a success well beyond all expectations.  

Sports bros learned of a place where a skinny, long-haired dork waving fluorescent tubing can be considered a bad ass.  And, self-proclaimed nerfherders became aware of a sporting event other than Quidditch.  Finally, the NFL and Star Wars franchises were attempting to market themselves to the masses.  It’s about time.

A byproduct of last Monday’s double exposure is that Star Wars fans are now aware of an ongoing silent protest professional athletes are taking part in to raise awareness of police brutality (boo), racial inequality (hiss), and the uninformed opinions of Donald J. Trump (throws souvenir cup onto field).  Since early 2016 they have been doing so by kneeling during the traditional singing of the Star Spangled Banner, a song written by America’s all-time best-selling one-hit-wonder, who also happened to be drunk at the time.

It would be apropos if this legion of Star Wars fans, now enlightened of the cause, are in full support of what these athletes are doing.  Or, at the very least, they understand and commend these actions.  After all, Lando Calrissian is the original trilogy’s only protagonist of color and he destroyed the second Death Star, thus ending an era of oppression and the tyrannical rule of a socialist class of space-jerks. 

This brings us back around to the man mentioned at the top of this screed, Han Solo.  And, specifically, a curious observation.

Why does Lando call him Han (rhymes with man) when everyone else calls him Hon (rhymes with lawn)?

Is this simply a dialect or an accent thing, or just laziness, like when someone pronounces Lara the same as Laura?  Maybe, maybe not.  Actually, definitely not.

Solo clearly introduces himself in the Mos Eisley cantina as Hon and everybody pronounces it the same way without question.  That is, until they land in Cloud City and Lando calls his old buddy Han repeatedly.  Even when Chewbacca is choking the shit out of him, his mispronunciation is obvious.

How do we know who is correct?  The answer is pretty simple.

Lando.

Lando Calrissian is the only character whose relationship with Solo predates the beginning of Episode IV. He has known Solo longer than anyone and certainly knows how to say his best friend’s first name.

The only possible explanation is that a young and insecure Han Solo wanted to be called Hon because he thought it cooler, more suave and dangerous sounding.  But the real truth is that his name is pronounced Han, and Lando knows that this gentle, more eloquent elocution drives Captain Solo absolutely crazy.  How many times do you think these two old pals have been at the intergalactic discotheque and ended up brawling because Han is like “Dude, call me Hon”, but Lando drunkenly keeps giggling and calling him Han out of spite?

Of course, after all these years, Han Solo is over it and no longer lets Lando’s verbal jabs get under his skin.  The truth is, Lando is his best friend and it signifies a lifelong bond.  They understand each other and respect their differences.  In a way, it’s not so different than the message being sent by the players you saw on Monday night. People need to stick together to defeat evil and summon positive changes. You can’t hear the national anthem when you’re alone in the vacuum of outer space. 

Well, Star Wars and football fans, I hope this nugget of truth helps you all realize that while we are all different, whether you are a Han, a Hon, a Solo or a Duo, there is a little Lando in all of us.

May we all live long and prosper.