"Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?
Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?
Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?
Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?
I know, I know."
Thanks my man, the end of your song really makes us think. But, sadly, we're not talking about you today. Well, beyond the obligatory photo, natch.
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| Nice salad dude! |
Nope, we're talking fantasy football on this occasion. Now, I realize this topic is of the utmost importance to a an extremely large chunk of the electorate. Strangely, though, the bulk of my friends would probably prefer to rock out with their schlock out to talking/reading about fake teams filled with real players. I understand their compulsion, and I don't disagree.
Fantasy sports is fake fandom, period. I think that the concept started in an authentic place, where the most obsessive wanted to find a way to feel even more involved. Anyone who's played Madden or any other EA game has probably dabbled in the team building concept a few times. It can be fun to create a squad consisting of your favorite players, or to create fake players to dominate the competition like no other (RIP to BEEFTANK, and the only blog ever that made me literally cry with tears of laughter).
But now, fantasy is all about buying and selling players as commodities and treating the sport itself as almost a distraction. I'm betting a bunch of folks don't care about wins or losses, just about getting the necessary points out of their chosen kicker. Or kickers.
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| Savvy as always, Taco. |
So, yeah, I think fantasy is kind of the ugly, red-haired stepchild of sports.
And, yeah, once or twice, I have been known to play with that damn child.
I know, shut up, I know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm generally pretty awful at it. That's especially true with football, which is not terribly surprising given my predilection for watching, on average, zero hours a week. You'd think I'd be better at choosing the best players with no frame of reference! Huh. Well, my rankings in each of *the weekly contests so far is, well, somewhat far from shocking:
- Missed this week
- Finished 166,754th out of 301,281 entries
- Finished 159,755th out of 318,347 entries
- Finished 4,704th out of 328,387 (undoubtedly stoned) entries
- Finished 139,591st out of $339,162 entries
(*I should note here that this contest is free to play. I'm a little crazy, not stupid)
Bummer. But, hey, still another dozen weeks or so to try to score some sweet, sweet dollars. I only have to finish in the top...(looking)...two-tenths of one percent of entries. Yikes. I better come up with a plan.
I have a plan.
For this weekend, I'm picking players based on one very simple attribute. Not pointless things like talent or team quality. I'm selecting them based on something much more likely to foretell victory. That is, if located somewhere within the letters of that player's name, is a T, an A, a C, and an O.
That's right.
You see, I want my squad imbued with the power of tacos. Winning comes from inside. If a taco is in a person's name, I don't see how they could fail at anything, in life, ever. So, this is my team this week. If nobody at a certain position is fully taco-d, I've chosen the person with the highest percentage available. It's a complex idea. But, you can't spell success without, well, you get it.
- Introducing, THE MIGHTY TACOS-
- Quarterback - Joe Flacco / Baltimore (75% Taco, and his name sort of looks like taco!)
- Running Back 1 - Tarik Cohen / Chicago (100% Taco!!!!!)
- Running Back 2 - Tevin Coleman / Atlanta (100% Taco!!!!!)
- Wide Receiver 1 - Michael Thomas / New Orleans (100% Taco!!!!!)
- Wide Receiver 2 - Antonio Brown / Pittsburgh (75% taco)
- Wide Receiver 3 - Chris Hogan / New England (75% taco)
- Tight End - Cameron Brate / Tampa (100% Taco!!!!!)
- Extra RB or WR - DeMarco Murray / Tennessee (75% taco)
- Defense - Tampa Bay Buccaneers (75% taco)
This will not fail. Now, back to the music.
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