 |
| Its insides look like my insides! |
Uh, yeah...thanks guys. If that doesn't convince you to listen to their show, I'm not sure what else will.
To be honest, I don't think that the beef'n'sand-clogged hearts of Taco Bell executives are in the wrong place. A dessert quesadilla can be a tasty treat. I've made one with peanut butter, bananas, and chocolate chips that was pretty frickin' delicious. And yes, I know that by telling you this, my taste buds have forfeited all rights to food mockery.
Nevertheless, let's take on this colossal drive-thru mistake and spin it into a slice of fried gold. There is more than one way to build tortilla goodness out of Halloween candy. In fact, you could say there are three ways.
Today's hat trick takes a stab at building a better mouth-trap. The fellars over at 538 have done an official Halloween candy ranking, and those guys usually do a fine and thorough job compiling data (president circus peanut, notwithstanding). With that survey as the guide, we're creating something new and exciting and alarming. These menu items are up for bid, fast food executroids! Don't miss out and get stuck putting normal foods in your foods. Nobody wants that.
- Sure, candy may be a Halloween thing, but there's no reason it can't be stretched out to the next pseudo-holiday. Thanksgiving is less than a month away, so let's build something to celebrate! I'm sure natives and immigrants can get along and support this dish. They got together hundreds of years ago, and certainly nothing has happened in the interim to drive them apart. Ahem. Anyway, presenting the Cornucopidilla;
- Boston Baked Beans
- Candy Corn
- Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops
- 3 Musketeers (they have buckles on their hats too!)
- We've ignored the fat, intolerant elephant in the room long enough. It's time to create a special meal just for those dispossessed souls who think the current commander-in-chief actually has a shred of humanity and/or intelligence. After all, your racist uncle needs something to eat on his way back from the latest rally. With a little luck, the sugar rush will force a few logic molecules to slam into each other. Or, he'll crash and ask for Obamacare to cover his bill. Fun times, either way. Here's the Trumpledilla;
- Milk Duds
- Sour Patch Tricksters
- Air Heads
- Whoppers
- Dum Dums
- Lemonhead
- Warheads
- Sugar Daddy
- One 10-cent coin (to choke on)
- Finally, it's time to be a bit self-indulgent. If you're going to get something made for you by the Taco Bell empire, it might as well be something that ticks all of your boxes. Honestly, the only way this would be more on-the-nose was if someone converted beer, whiskey, MST3K, hockey, and Milana Vayntrub into sugar-based treats. Of course, if they did, there would be lawsuits. Delectable, sexy, lawsuits. Bring on the Taco'BoutWhateverDilla!
- Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
- Reese's Pieces
- Reese's Stuffed with Pieces (have I mentioned that I like peanut butter?)
- M&M's
- Sour Patch Kids
Have a happy Halloween. Or don't. Just don't ring my doorbell, dammit, I'm busy Weird Science-ing over here.
No comments:
Post a Comment