Your Burrito-Shaped Friday Football Forecast

Last Friday featured two posts here on the ol' Tee-Bee-Dubs (sorry, I will never write that again).  One of the entries was about football, while the other talked burritos (they're nature's candy).

This week, those vital and and wildly popular entries will be combined into one mega-column celebrating both topics.  Not only that, but the subject matter will be intertwined and rolled together into one bite for consumption like some sort of...cylindrical/wrapped foodstuff.   I don't know, there must be a metaphor I can use.  Uh, a flauta?  I don't know.  If I think of something, I'll let you know.

Onto the meaty contents:

Kansas City Chiefs versus the San Diego Chargers of Los Angeles 

• This story is almost a year old, but when the words "burrito roulette" come up, you really just have to click.  Melvin Gordon, running back for those SoCal fellas, gamely took the challenge and ended up with a mouth full of burning.  But he's still a winner, because, you know, he ate burritos.  That's always a no-lose proposition.  So, because of his gastronomical undertaking, his squad gets the shout-out this week, as I feel they'll be spitting hot fire all over their mid-western rivals.

• Oh, and need a bonus reason to root on Melvin?  This pic, from the red carpet of the Wonder Woman premiere:

You will never, ever be this cool

Pittsburgh Steelers versus Chicago Bears

• "How do you go from unknown small school player to red hot pro hopeful?  Burritos help."  Yeah they do!!!  They help with everything.  And, clearly, thanks to them, Adam Shaheen is now an honest-to-goodness footballer, plying his trade for those monsters of the midway.  Let's look at this future star's stats so far:
• Catches - zero
• Touchdowns - zero
• Sacks - zero
• Tackles - one
• Uh, yeah.  Well, despite that, any fan of burritos deserves support.  So, regardless of the overwhelming odds, I think the Bears get the victory this week, with Adam delivering the final blow.  It could happen!
• And, finally, sir, if I may.  Perhaps it's time to lay off the Chipotle for a bit.  Try a salad.  Or, perhaps go to a restaurant not famous for making people ill.  I don't know, it's a thought.

Houston Texans versus New England Patriots

• "I've eaten burritos bigger than you."  Is it still talking trash if it's true?  JJ Watt is a very large human, and he may just be providing some useful information.  That opponent should be thanking him, really, for being so honest.  I like a helpful glutton.
• Now, to be fair, I don't know if he really ate such a large meat tube.  But I believe him at his word.   So, with that sort of strength of character (and stomach), I think his Texans will eat the whole of New England this Sunday.  Even the pointy bits that aren't burrito-shaped.  Cause that's what you do, in football.  You eat!  I think.  Right?

Yup, I'm right.