Throwback Thursday & 5 Ridiculous Things for Tonight's Game

Allegiances have always been a bit of a head-scratcher to me.  It seems so arbitrary to boast about your belonging to a certain school or particular postal district just because of a few summers spent there.  Life can be long, decades and decades and decades sometimes.  So why should you identify with a place you haven't seen since rotary phones were a thing?  I think it's more than reasonable to not forever tie yourself to a team and its revolving door of highly paid traveling contractors just because you may have purchased tortillas from the very same grocery chain as them for a short while.

All that said, about me;

• My time spent in Miami - Birth to six months old
• My time spent in San Francisco bay area - four years old to thirty years old

So, naturally, 

Theme song written by an actual dolphin, probably

Yup.  Pot+Kettle=Black.  My youth was spent rooting on those aqua-tinted mammals (not a fish) simply because my family decided to call south Florida home for a short period of time.  By that rationale, I should also be a fan of meth-fueled stupidity and racist alligators.  Of which I'm not, despite what you've heard.  

Anyway, I cheered on the fins even though I lived a full 'Merica away.  On top of that, two perfectly cromulent franchises sat there in my own backyard, ready to be obsessed over.  I could have abandoned my infantile (literally) rooting interest and hitched my gridiron-loving wagon to the Raiders or the Niners.  So did I? 

I know more about these men than is healthy

Not only did I not root on the local lugs, I developed a deep hatred for them.  The 49ers, especially, become the bane of my existence.  So what if they won championships?  Who cares if they were on television every week while my beloved land-porpoises graced my screen just once or twice a season.  They were lame and deserved every insult a ten-year old boy could hurl.  They weren't my Dolphins!  Get lost squares!

  

I stayed committed.  It was, and is, and will always be, stupid.

Someday I'll write a grand treatise on the subject, entitled "The Vagueness of Rooting for Laundry."  It'll sell millions, and make all the hurt go away.  

Prior to that, I should talk about tonight's matchup, I suppose.

Stoopid doody-headed niners.  Heh, good one.

5 Ridiculous Things, starting...

1. The mascot above is named Sourdough Sam.  That's right, bread is his first name.  For a brief moment, we should all be gluten intolerant.
2. From the Department of Understatement, "The Niners offence needs to score a touchdown."  Helpful.  Know what else?  Never name your mascot after what comes of flour and water. 
3. "Jared Goff doesn't look like a bust so far."  Um, thanks?  Things that are busts?  Mascots made of crumbs.
4. I'm sad that we aren't going to have a "dreaded ketchup vs mustard game."  Food is already involved anyway.  Have I mentioned that?  Stupid f'n yeasty cowboy.
5. For the price of two pretzels, you can watch this game live.  Forget going, just eat the pretzels.  That's a real man's dough.

Prediction:  Rams 17, 49ers 16.  

Other Prediction:  Sam will be moldy by halftime.  Dumb crusty bastard.